Let Your Love Grow Tall
by sunny-bear
Summary: Spamano Human AU. Lovino Vargas is an angry kid from Brooklyn. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo is a farmer's son. "In pastures blue and green, I'll follow you and you'll follow me..."
1. Chapter 1

Fucking Nonno. If it wasn't for Nonno, I wouldn't be here! I'm in Asscrack, Nebraska, just because of him! I don't even get why he sent me here, after all, I'm the one who does all the work around the house, with only Feliciano around, he's going to be helpless! And when all of our annoying loud neighbors are going to come around and bother him, and no one will be able to tell them to go away! Nonno being swamped in loud Italians is actually pretty funny to think about, and I resist the urge to laugh. I can't laugh right now, I have to explain my shitty situation, and wallow in my own self pity.

Feliciano! Its his fault I'm here! If he hadn't brought his dumb German boyfriend home, I wouldn't have gotten angry and gotten into a fight with that cocky bastard! Who even gets sent away because of a verbal fight? A verbal fight, for God's sake! Its not like I actually physically hurt anyone!

I think it was just because I embarrassed Nonno. I know I can get really angry and unreasonable sometimes, but still! I don't have anger issues, I just have a short temper! That's it! And besides, anger issues is no reason to be sent away from your home! And it is definitely no reason to be sent away to Nebraska, of all places! Why not just uptown New York? Its not like I had to fucking leave the state!

So, now I'm out of Brooklyn and in this little hellhole. There is literally nothing here! The closest town is an hour's drive away, and I'm surrounded by pasture and corn and soy bean fields. There's only one person near my age within a twenty mile radius, and there's no way he would ever cast me a second glance. My only friends while I'm here are going to be a couple of chickens.

I just want to be back home. I want to be with my family and my friends and my neighbors, and I do not want to deal with the fact that every two feet there's another pile of cow shit to step in. I want to get back home so I can protect my little brother, and so I can help my Nonno. I'm not needed around here, and that is the worse feeling ever, at least for me. I hate feeling like I'm not needed, its worse than feeling alone. Being alone can be fixed by calling someone or watching television. Not being needed can't be fixed, you can't make someone need you.

Most of the time I just lay around my uncle's house, doing nothing, just eating and _maybe _helping out with house chores. Its part of the reason why this place is so hellish. As much fun as doing nothing can be, I got pretty damn tired of it after a week. Of course, I could get a job, but I don't want to work on a farm, and I don't want to drive an hour to get to the nearest Walmart to get a job.

So, in the town of Grassteppe, Nebraska, there is no town hall, no library, no shops, no place to actually confirm that there is a town. Its just a name given to the few farms that are out here. Its a sad excuse for a rural town, almost none of the neighbors speak to each other, nothing to gossip about, just flat plains filled with corn and shit like that.

I'm staying at my aunt and uncle's house, their names are Roderich and Elizaveta Edelstein. I'm not blood related to either of them, but Nonno apparently knew Roderich when he was a child, and they didn't lose contact. Roderich was more than happy to take me in when Nonno sent me away.

They don't own a farm, Roderich is an English teacher in the next town over. Elizaveta has apple and pear trees in the backyard that she makes preserves from, and sells them whenever the county has a Farmer's Market. She also has an online shop where she sells clothes and quilts and things like that. Elizaveta is very crafty, which is a bad thing for me. She has me model her dresses sometimes. God forbid Nonno or Feliciano ever find her website. (Or rather, anyone back in Brooklyn.)

The people closest to Roderich and Elizaveta's house is the Fernandez-Carriedo family. Consisting of two, very loud middle aged Spanish-Americans, a couple cousins who live there to help out on the farm, and then there is their son. Antonio. Hear the name and weep bitterly because he will never ever like you back and you will die lonely with six cats.

Antonio is the only spot of sunshine in the lonely place of Grassteppe. (I'm really exaggerating, but you get the point. I really like Antonio.) But I can never be with him, I'm just the angry, douchey Italian that lives next door. Feliciano tries to convince me that I have a chance, but we both know that's a huge lie. Ugh.

I'm pulled from my self pity when I hear Elizaveta calling from the kitchen.

"Lovino! Your lunch is ready." (Lunch is a rather loose term, its actually four in the afternoon, I just woke up two hours ago. Its not like I have school to go to or anything, so why not sleep in? And why not lay around in sweatpants and a t-shirt all day?)

I'm in the living room right now, and I pull myself off the couch to make heavy, stomping steps across the room to get to the kitchen. I really do appreciate everything Elizaveta does for me, but its just best to keep up the asshole facade, it makes everything easier. She knows I don't mean it, so I don't feel as bad for doing it as I usually do.

Once I get into the kitchen, she hands me a green plate, and a glass of water. The plate has a turkey and cheese sandwich on it, and apple slices. We had a fuck ton of apples growing in the backyard, so Elizaveta found a way to incorporate them into every single meal we had. Its not like its a bad thing though, I really like apples. I sit down at the kitchen table and begin shoveling the food into my mouth.

As I finish my lunch, Elizaveta sits down at the kitchen table, across from me.

"So Lovino, I told Mr. Carriedo that you would help him out at the farm tomorrow."

I swallow the last of my sandwich,"That's fine as long as I don't have t-"

"You're going to be working the whole day with Antonio. You're watering the corn and soy beans, and then you're going to work with horses the rest of the day."

I groan,"I can't do that, Elizaveta, you know that!"

Elizaveta lets out a huff of air,"I don't understand why you think this is a bad thing! You're going to spend the day with the boy you like! There's nothing bad about that!"

"Everything is bad about that! I'm going to be blushing and stammering the whole time, you have no idea how I am around people that I like!"

Elizaveta sighs,"Well, you'll just have to deal with it. And I'll pay you if you do it."

I consider this option,"How much?"

"Five dollars an hour."

"That's only fifty dollars!"

"That's all I have right now!"

"Alright. I'll do it. And I'm blaming you when I embarrass myself."

Elizaveta shoos me out of the kitchen as she busies herself making dinner for Roderich when she gets home, telling me to go sit on the couch and watch the television.

For a couple minutes I listen to Elizaveta clatter around in the kitchen. I think she enjoys acting like a housewife, but cooking is her downfall. We have spaghetti and meatloaf a lot, I'm pretty sure its the only things she knows how to make.

I sigh and turn on the television, flipping through the guide to see what all is on. In case you didn't know, daytime television sucks.

After about two hours of watching Friends reruns, Roderich walks in the living room, back from work. He gives me a glare as he walks into the kitchen. He has all the reason to glare at me, I've been wearing the same clothes for a week straight. Next to his dark purple sports coat and ironed black dress pants, I look like I've been living on the streets.

"Lovino, come into the kitchen,"Roderich calls,"Time to grade papers."

I let out a groan,"I'm too dumb to do that!"

"Its Junior High English, get in here!"

Its Friday, and every Friday is paper grading day. Roderich is the only English teacher at the junior high in the next town over, so he teaches sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth grades. Which means every Friday, he has a shit ton of papers to grade. So, we all get together in the kitchen and help him out with the grading. Its tedious work, but we get through it with a lot of talking and the promise of dinner afterwards.

I walk into the kitchen, where Roderich and Elizaveta are already seated. Papers are strewn all across the table, it looks like more than usual. Tonight was going to suck.

We use the colored pens that are laying out on the table, and check the papers, one by one. A constant chatter follows our work.

Our conversation sweeps between many topics. Taxes, mortgage, Elizaveta getting a goat, the asshole kids that Roderich has to deal with, etc., etc., etc.

Eventually the conversation brings up the Fernandez-Carriedos.

Elizaveta looks like she'd been waiting the whole evening to talk about this,"I told Mr. Carriedo that Lovino would help out on their farm tomorrow."

Roderich nods,"You really do need to get out of the house, Lovino. Don't get too wild with Antonio."

"Gross! Besides, he doesn't even like me."

Roderich nods,"Yeah I know. But its fun to torture you."

"I'm just glad that Lovino is making friends! It kills me to see you moping around all the time,"Elizaveta comments.

"Seriously though,"Roderich looks at Lovino pointedly,"Don't get too crazy. Roma would kill me if you got pregnant."

I groan and bury my head in my arms. The _things_I have to deal with around here!

After we finish the grading everything, and after dinner, I am pretty much done with social interactions for the day.

I tell Roderich and Elizaveta goodnight, and head to my room. I flop down on my bed and boot up my laptop.

It seems like a good time to catch up with my friends back home, and to blog.

As I scroll through pictures of coffee, food, and bleached blonde chicks, I hear the little noise that tells me I have a Facebook message.

I go into the tab where Facebook is pulled up and smile when I see that Feliciano has messaged me

•••••  
: Lovi! I miss you!

: i miss you too, feli. tell nonno i say hello

: I will! How is Nebraska?

: like hell. how is brooklyn without me?

: A lot quieter!

: we both know thats a lie. the contadinos are still in the neighborhood, so its still as loud as always

: Hehe, you're right! :) But, Lovino, I need to go! Me and Ludwig are going out for dinner tonight

: tell ludwig i say fuck you

: Lovi, that's rude! :( I'll talk to you later, I love you!

: love you too

•••••

After a couple more hours of blogging, I'm ready to go to bed. I have farming and mass embarrassment to deal with tomorrow.

○○•••••

wow i moved onto another fic really quickly laughs

sorry i just had to get the spamano out of my system? tell me what you think! review please :-)


	2. Chapter 2

Even though I got a lot more sleep last night than usual, I still feel half dead when Elizaveta wakes me up. With a fucking _smile _on her face! Honestly, I can't bring myself to wear anything besides a scowl until, like, one in the afternoon. (And even after one, I'm still wearing a scowl. But that's by choice.)

After she wakes me up, Elizaveta walks out of my room, humming a song as she goes. I check the clock on my bedside table. 5:00. In the morning. Fuck me.

I mean, it makes since though. Since spring is approaching summer, the days are getting hotter and hotter. Which means that farm work starts earlier, and then you hope that you finish earlier than usual. It isn't the case most times, and you're outside in the heat and hating your life. Luckily, it seems most of the hot afternoon is going to be spent in the stables. So instead of heat, I get to smell horse shit all day.

I drag myself out of bed, to the bathroom. I take a shower, making extra sure that all the grease is out of my hair. Even though he's not going to look twice, I'd still like to look slightly not gross in front of Antonio.

I towel off my hair, and comb it out. I'm not even surprised when my cowlick up, and I don't even make an effort to flatten it out.

I look at my phone, which is sitting on the bathroom sink. Its 5:40. I decide to not eat breakfast, which I'm probably going to regret later. (By probably, I mean definitely.) I brush my teeth, and when I'm done, head over to the chest of drawers, and pull out a green shirt and some khaki shorts.

Who wears short shorts? Lovino wears short shorts.

I head out of my room, and go to the kitchen, where Elizaveta is sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee.

She flashes a smile at me,"Are you leaving then?" I nod. "Say hi to your boy toy for me!"

"I hate you."

Her call of,"Love you too!" is lost as I walk out the door. Antonio's house is about a half mile away, which honestly isn't a horrible walk, but I wish I would have asked Elizaveta to give me a ride over. I just don't like doing excess work for anything, I guess. The pains of being a city boy.

After about ten minutes of walking, I'm at the Fernandez-Carriedo residence. Its an average sized home, but its certainly nothing to sneeze at. Its one of those old, wooden homes that look like they belong in those western movies from the 1940's.

I knock on their front door and rock back and forth, hoping that someone will open the door soon. I don't really want to stand on their porch for five minutes, I'd look like a dumb ass to anyone who passed by. (But who am I really kidding, its not like anyone would actually pass by. I'm in the middle of fucking no where.)

My train of thought is interrupted when Mrs. Fernandez-Carriedo opens the door and pulls me into a hug.

"Lovino! So good to see you!" She lets go of me and gives me a grin. She's a plump woman, in her mid-40's, her brown hair just starting to grey. Its very easy to see where Antonio got his easy-going and affectionate nature from if you ever talk to his mother.

I try to smile back at her, but its still way too fucking early, so it probably looks more like a grimace.

She lets out a hearty laugh, most likely because I look like I'm in extreme pain. "Come on inside, Antonio and his father are still eating breakfast. You can have something if you'd like."

"No, that's fine. I ate breakfast at home." That's a total lie. I just don't want to eat in front of Antonio. I'm not the most attractive eater, I have a bad habit of chewing with my mouth open, and talking when there's food in my mouth. Its pretty gross, but I only used to do it because it made Nonno angry. But the habit just never went away. Its pretty gross, even I can admit that.

When I walk into the kitchen with Mrs. Fernandez-Carriedo, Antonio grins at me and raises his coffee cup in greeting. Mr. Fernandez-Carriedo gives me a terse nod, then goes back to eating his eggs.

"Good morning, Lovi! Sit down, we won't be going out for another thirty minutes or so!"

Thirty minutes. That means I could have fucking slept in. I hate everything.

I pull out one of the chairs around the kitchen table, and glare at Antonio,"Don't call me Lovi."

By this, I mean _God yes call me whatever you want please just talk to me. _Laughs because, wow, I would never do that. One, because it would probably freak out his parents. And Antonio too. And I really don't want to do that. Second, because then Antonio would figure out that I like him as more than a friend. And that must_ never _happen. He would never return the sentiment, and I'm pretty sure that he has a girlfriend anyways. My angsty teenage tears are heard all the way in Brooklyn. Nonno lets out a hearty laugh.

My misfortune never ends.

We sit at the kitchen table for about twenty more minutes, as Antonio and his dad finish up their breakfast. Antonio is talking the whole time, but neither me or his father are adding much to the conversation, besides the occasional grunt, nod, or shake of the head. (And a lot of glaring done by me.)

Antonio's father is usually a lot more exuberant than this, so I'm guessing that he's not a big morning person. I do not blame him one bit.

Mr. Fernandez-Carriedo clears his throat, and looks up from his empty plate to Antonio,"You two should be getting to the fields."

"Alright, c'mon Lovi!"

Antonio stands up from his chair, and pushes it back under the table. He walks to my side of the table and claps one of his hands on my shoulder. I flinch, and I'm about to hiss something profane at him, but he's grinning at me and, like, _oh my God his dimples are showing and I can see his freckles and that little gap in his teeth I'm going to fucking die he's PERFECT._ Whenever I'm around Antonio I am just really glad that mind readers don't exist. Otherwise I would be so fucking screwed.

I slap away his hand, and stand up from my chair, and I can just _feel _the bright red blush that's creeping through my face. God damn it.

Antonio leads me out of their back door, towards one of the wooden buildings they have. They all have equipment, animals, or harvested stuff that hadn't been sold or eaten yet in them. Antonio opens the door to one of them, which has a bunch of tractors and other shit like that in it. In the back corner, there's this weird pipe looking thing. It looks like one of those little knobs that you twist to turn on a hose, except its sticking straight up out of the ground. And its got like, a dial button-y thing on it? I don't even know. (Don't make fun of me, okay, I don't know farm terms. Fucking sue me.)

We get to the spout.. thingy, and Antonio notices my confused look.

"This is how we turn on the sprinklers, the ones that are connected to our irrigation system." He bends over, to get closer to the pipe, and he presses a few buttons, and turns the knob. He laughs,"We probably could have put this in a more convenient place, like, say, our house, but whatever."

I nod dumbly, I wasn't really paying attention to anything he was saying, as the position he was in was a great one to admire the shape of his ass. Yes, hello, my name is Lovino Vargas, and I'm a shallow-minded douche, nice to meet you. But, I mean, it was right there, was I supposed to not look or something?

Antonio clears his throat, and I realize I was staring at him. _Way to go Lovino,_ I mentally berate myself. _He probably thinks you're a fucking creeper._

"Well, we need to ride through the fields, and make sure that all of the sprinklers are running correctly, and that should take about an hour,"Antonio says as he walks back to the entrance of the barn, and I walk behind him,"After that, we can go take care of the horses."

"Okay."

Antonio pushes open the doors of the barn, and walks back one of the tractors, pulling himself up to the driver's seat. Although I guess it shouldn't be called a tractor, because I'm pretty sure its just something that you drive around in. There isn't a passenger seat on the tractor.. car thing.

"Hey, bastard, did you ever think that I might need a place to sit?"

Antonio laughs,"You are so dumb. This isn't just the driver's seat, notice the wideness? Its like a bench thing. Just come sit up here." He pats the space next to him, and fishes through the pockets of his jeans to find the keys to the vehicle.

I curse underneath my breath. _Way to fucking go, Lovino._

I pull myself up on the bench, just as Antonio had done. Once Antonio makes sure I'm seated, he puts his keys in the ignition.

Even though you can't really hear much over the roar of the engine, Antonio turns to me,"You know, I never told you this morning, but I'm digging the short shorts."

"Fuck you. I have great thighs."

Antonio looks like he's about to cry, he's laughing so hard. "I never said you didn't! I just didn't take you as the kind of guy to wear, you know, booty shorts." I feel my face heating up. Maybe I should have just worn normal pants today. "After all, the only things I've seen you in are holey tee-shirts and sweatpants."

"Well, that's in the privacy of my own home. I'm not going to go out in public looking like trash."

Antonio drives the tractor through the barn doors, and we head for the fields.

"Well, its not like you're in public. There's like six other people you _might_ come into contact with today."

"Still got to look great. I'm Italian, its a thing we do."

"You all look great?"

"Obviously."

"Hm, I don't know." I look over at him. Is he trying to say I'm hideous? "Spaniards are a lot more attractive than Italians."

"You're a bastard. I mean, I'm one too. But an attractive bastard."

Meanwhile, my thoughts are going: _Oh my God please agree with me being attractive and then we can kiss on this fucking tractor thing and it will be fucking great-_

"You'd be more attractive if you smiled more."

_So am I attractive without a smile holY SHIT._

"There is no way in hell that I'll smile for you." That's a total lie, but hey, I gotta be an asshole. Its part of my charm.

He laughs,"That's alright. You're okay looking with that scowl on, I guess."

Okay looking. I can live with that.

"Whatever, asshole."

Antonio rolls his eyes and gives his attention back to his driving. Way to go, me. He doesn't seem mad, though. Which is good.

After about five more minutes of riding through (seemingly) endless corn fields, Antonio starts up more conversation.

"So, how are you liking Nebraska?"

I scoff,"There's nothing here except for plants, the closest place to buy alcohol is almost an hour away, and you are literally the only person I have social interactions with." Antonio looks at me for more explanation. "So what I'm trying to say here is, it fucking sucks."

Antonio lets out a breathy laugh. He really does laugh too much. "Okay, one, you should not be drinking, you're only, what? Maybe seventeen? And also, I'm not that bad!"

"I'm eighteen, you dickhole! And yes you are, you are literally the worst thing in my life right now."

He tuts his tongue,"Still too young! And you know I'm literally your best friend, you love me so much, its unnatural!"

"Shut the fuck up! I hate you!"

I don't know if anyone else has encountered this problem, but Antonio does this _all _the fucking time. He acts all flirty and nice and he tries to hug me but he doesn't mean anything of it. And it fucking sucks dick. Its like.. You know he's being insincere and just goofing around, and you play along with it, but you just really wish he wasn't faking it?

And you end up feeling like crying because you're going to die alone while sobbing over a faded picture of an asshole Spaniard. Surrounded by cats.

"So.." I turn to glare at Antonio. "Got a girlfriend back home?"

I laugh,"Okay, one, no one back home even speaks to me except for Feli, Nonno, and Feli's douche of a boyfriend." I pause for a second. "Also I wouldn't have a girlfriend." _Shit._

"Oh, alright. And why no girlfriend?"

_SHIT._

"I'm gay."

Alright. Its out there. Let it ring true through the corn filled fields of Nebraska, all the way to the streets of Brooklyn. Lovino Vargas is gay!

"Oh."

"Oh?" Fuck. He's going to think I'm weird and he'll never want to speak to me again. I should have never fucking said anything.

He looks kind of flustered,"Please don't think that I'm freaked out!" Too late. "Its just that I've never really.. met a gay person before? And I wasn't expecting you to be that way! I-"

I cut him off, crossing my arms and slouching down on the bench. "What the fuck ever. Just keep driving."

We drive in silence for a couple more minutes, and then Antonio stops the tractor.

"Please don't be mad at me!"

"I'm not fucking mad."

"Yes, you are! And I'm sorry if I offended you, I've never been in that kind of conversation before, and I know I didn't handle it correctly, but please don't get mad!

"I'M NOT FUCKING MAD!"

Antonio winces and puts his arms up in defense,"_Mierda_, I'm sorry!" Shit, I should not have yelled.

I sigh,"God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled. Uh, sorry for overreacting? But um.." I trail off. Way to be eloquent, me. "I just thought you should know since we're.. You know.."

Antonio looks clueless. What a fucking idiot. "We're what?"

I glare at him, he's making me fucking say it out loud. "We're friends, shithead!"

He grins,"I knew that you liked me!" He pauses. "But you don't.. _like me_ do you?"

Yes.

"Ew, no."

A laugh,"Not your type?"

I scoff,"I don't have a type. You're just unbearable."

"But we're friends!"

"No."

"But-"

"Hell no."

•••••

We drive through the corn for about two more hours. It should have only taken about forty-five, but Antonio kept stopping the tractor to look at random shit, or to be able to talk without the drone of the engine.

By the end of the two hours, the sun had risen over the field, and with it, Antonio just looks even more gorgeous. Which I didn't think was possible? But the sunlight is gleaming against his caramel skin, and making his hair and teeth shine. And the sun reflects off of his green eyes, and I _really _need to do this more often if it means seeing Antonio like this again.

I wish I could steel up the courage to maybe ask Antonio over to watch a movie or eat dinner or something, but he would probably think I was making a move on him.

Damn it. I really shouldn't have told him that I was gay.

But, he deserved to know.

Anyways, after these two hours, I'm ready to get the fuck out of the corn field and to get to doing something else.

Antonio drives the tractor back to the barn where we first got, and heads to the corner where the sprinkler system thing is. I guess about three hours watering is what corn needs? Then Antonio lets me know that its supposed to rain tonight, so the corn would get enough water tonight.

He turns to me as we walk out of the barn,"So do you want to go inside and get something to drink or eat, or whatever?"

I almost scream out a _YES _because about an hour through the corn torture, I started getting really hungry. Plus, I've heard from Elizaveta that Mrs. Fernandez-Carriedo is a really good cook, so I'll maybe get some of that.

"Sure, if you want something."

He nods,"I could go for some water. We can get you something to eat. Don't think I didn't hear your stomach growling out there."

I feel a blush rushing to my cheeks. I can't take embarrassment well, if you hadn't noticed. "Shut the fuck up."

He laughs, making his way back to the house. I follow him.

As we walk in through the back door, there's no one in the kitchen. No motherly cooking, then. Man.

I stand in the middle of the kitchen while Antonio fishes through one of the cabinets for a cup. He notices my discomfort,"Just grab something from the fruit bowl on the counter." He jerks his head towards the kitchen table.

I grab an apple, taking a bite,"Thanks."

Nodding, Antonio sits down at the kitchen table,"Welcome. We can stay in here for a little bit, and then we'll go take the horses out for a ride."

"And why are we doing this?"

"They need their exercise, and we shouldn't let them out in pasture with the cows; Rainman likes to bite at the cows, which isn't good for them. So we usually just ride along the main road for a couple miles, and then swing back." He looks at me,"You have ridden a horse before, haven't you?"

"I grew up in the middle of fucking Brooklyn, do you think I've ever ridden a horse?"

"Geez, sorry, I was just asking! I'll teach you how to ride one, and we can just take it slow at first." I don't know if Antonio meant to fit an innuendo in there, but he definitely said it. That_ fucker._

"Alright."

"And then once we're done exercising them, we'll give them baths and clean their hooves and stuff. Sorry that we're going to have to do all of this, but I've been putting this chore off for a while." He laughs. "Plus, it'll be a lot easier with more than one person doing it."

"So you only wanted me over to do your chores? Thanks a lot, dillhole."

"No no! I just wanted to hang out with you, I guess."

I nod,"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

He clears his throat, a little awkwardly. "So.. do you want to go ahead and do that now?"

"Sure."

We walk back outside, and go to one of the other barn things they have out back. Antonio lets me know that its the stable. (Should have known that. I'm stupid I guess.)

We go inside, and I meet the Fernandez-Carriedo horses.

They have two, their names are Rainman and Azul. (Why the fuck they named their horse Blue, I don't know. The thing is like, white-ish.)

Rainman is a.. I think Antonio said it was an Arabian? It was black, whatever.

Azul, who is not fucking blue what the fuck, is an Applepalooza or some shit like that. Something that's hard to remember.

Antonio saddles them up, since obviously I have no fucking idea how to do it.

He also helps me up onto Azul, because she's older and apparently easier to ride? Anyways, his hand was way too close to my ass for me to be comfortable. Or maybe I was comfortable? I don't fucking know.

Anyway, once Antonio gets onto Rainman, he rides slowly out of the barn. I'm glad he doesn't look back, because honestly I have no idea what to do on a horse.

Luckily, Azul gets the message and trots after Rainman, saving me from a fuck load of embarrassment.

As Azul catches up to Rainman and Antonio flashes me a smile, I try to keep my cool. I really do. Lovino Vargas is as cool as a fucking cucumber.

I'm about to fucking shit myself.

How the_ FUCK_ does anyone ride these things?! Its bouncy and there's a thing moving underneath you and it can throw you off any minute and-

"Lovi, are you ok?"

I can't even string a phrase together. Not even a 'Fuck you Antonio' to him calling me Lovi. I just sit there and nod.

Antonio looks worried,"You're bright red and you're like.. twitching. Are you sure?"

"Y-yes, bastard."_ I fucking stuttered. God damn it._ I cough,"Yes, you bastard. J-just keep riding."

Fuck.

Antonio frowns,"Alright, Lovino."

We ride for a couple more minutes, and then Antonio turns Rainman around by tugging on the reins.

Azul follows, which, again, I am very glad for.

"Where are we going?" I can sort of string together a sentence now. That's good.

"We're going back to the stable."

"But-"

"But nothing, Lovi. Why didn't you say you were scared of horses? We could have avoided this whole thing."

"I never said I was fucking afraid of them, asshole!" I scowl. "And anyways, I didn't know until we actually started moving."

"Hm. Well let's head back."

I nod, and we make our way back to the stables.

About halfway there, Antonio leads Rainman closer to Azul, and holds out his hand. For me to fucking hold it. Oh my fucking God. (I know he means it as a completely platonic gesture but don't burst my fucking bubble, okay?)

I grab his hand a spit out a,"Bastard!" Just so he knows I'm not that fucking pleased about it.

We get back to the stables, unsaddle the horses, and Antonio teaches me how to clean them.

Other than that, we spend the entire time silent.

I guess Antonio could tell that I didn't really want to talk?

The only time he laughed was when Azul flicked me in the face with her tail. Never before have I glared daggers so hard.

We finish up with their baths and hoof care, and I pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time. Its barely even 11:00.

"So why did we start work so early if we finish up at like 11:00?" I ask as we walk back to the house.

"Well, my dad said he would take care of the cattle this morning, so I didn't know we would finish so quickly when we first asked you over." He grins at me. "Now we can just hang out!"

"Actually, Antonio, I was wondering if I could go home?"

His grin turns into a frown,"Well you can go if you want. But I was hoping we could maybe watch some movies or something?"

"Nah,"I glance around,"I'm not really up for it. Maybe some other time?"

"Tomorrow!"

"Not likely."

Antonio sighs,"Alright. Well, before you go, give me your phone!"

"Why the fuck would I do that?"

"So we can text each other!"

I take out my phone,"Don't put your name in as something dumb."

He touches the screen of my iPhone, putting in his number. By the grin on his face, I can tell he definitely put his name in as something dumb. Bastard.

As he hands my phone back, I see that his name is in as "Antonio!", with a punch of those smiley emoji things next to it. Of fucking course.

"Well! I guess I'll see you to the door then?"

"Whatever."

He walks me out, letting out a call of,"Bye Lovi! I'll text you!"

I call back,"Don't call me Lovi, dickhole!"

He lets out a laugh, gives me a wave, and then walks back into his house.

As I make my way down the road back to Roderich's house, I decide that today wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been.

The walk back doesn't seem as long as the walk there earlier in the morning.

As I walk through the door, Elizaveta notices me, and grins.

"How was your date?"

I groan as I make my way to my room. "It wasn't a fucking date!"

•••••

A/N: second chapter woohoo! sorry it took so long to get out! i had a little writer's block, and i had to write a research paper for my english class! orz

i'll be able to update more quickly over the next two weeks, since im on my winter break rn!

so i hope you liked this chapter! a review would mean a lot :-)

thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: bumped up the rating for this chapter, and for future chapters! there is some sexual content in this chapter, so please be wary! ovo_

•••••

Over the past few weeks, Antonio and I have been hanging out non-stop.

I'm at his house, or he's at mine. And if we're not together in person, we're usually texting. (Which is probably hiking up Nonno's cellular bill a fuck load, but I can't bring myself to care.)

Being with him all the time is great, and its like I have this best friend that I never would have had if I had stayed in Brooklyn.

Loud exasperated sighing. Antonio is only a best friend.

Because, as you should see, there is a downside to all of this quality time with Antonio.

I am finding myself head over fucking heels in love with they guy.

I'm in love with a straight guy. Fuck my life.

And honestly, that bastard must have figured out that I like him.

Antonio is a very touchy person, and he loves to hug and cuddle people. So whenever he decides to invade my personal space, of course I turn bright red and start stammering. If that's not obvious, I don't know what is.

But of course, Antonio is oblivious to every fucking thing ever, so maybe he doesn't even notice.

Another downside to being around Antonio so much:_ Elizaveta will not shut her fucking mouth._

Sure, I love Elizaveta. She's like the closest thing I've had to a sister. But she won't shut up about me and Antonio. If I thought the dumb pestering about our friendship was bad before, its gotten even worse since we've been hanging out more.

"So have you two kissed yet?"

"Am I invited to the wedding?"

The things I have to deal with.

Roderich isn't as bad as Elizaveta, but he still does the same.

Family.

What are you gonna do?

So, anyway, currently, I'm in Antonio's shitty dinosaur-age pick-up truck right now. The thing is an old rusty blue, and its from like fucking 1964 or something. Antonio is in love with it or something. So if Antonio likes it, I guess I can tolerate it. Really, anything for Antonio

I'm in this shitty truck because we're on our way to Omaha.

A day in the big city! How glamorous!

Omaha is like a village compared to New York City, so its not that big of a deal for me. Antonio, on the other hand, is really fucking excited. Its apparent that he doesn't go out much.

Good sides of this trip: Two days, spent alone with Antonio. We're sharing a hotel room, and he's promised to buy me alcohol as long as I don't tell anyone.

Bad sides: The car ride there is going to take nine god damn hours. Nine fucking hours! Ten if there's traffic! I'm so mad. As much as I love being with Antonio, I do not like long car rides. At all.

We left this morning at 10:00, so we'll get to Omaha around 7:00 or 8:00. Then Antonio said we'll just stay in the hotel room, order a pizza maybe. He said he might buy drinks, so I'm hoping he goes through with that. He's 21, and only just. But hey, it still works.

We've been in the car for about four hours now, and if Antonio hadn't brought his MP3 and his speakers, I would probably have been fast asleep already.

Antonio insists on singing along to every song at the top of his lungs, and its impossible to sleep with that racket. In all honesty, though, Antonio has a really nice singing voice. I shouldn't be calling it a racket.

Also it doesn't help that the only songs he has are Top 40 Hits and Bon Jovi. One does get sick of listening to Beyonce hours on end, I'll tell you what.

"Hey, Lovi?"

By this point, I've pretty much given up on getting Antonio to stop calling me Lovi. He won't, no matter how many times I ask. Its nice to have a pet name, I guess. Especially one that only he calls me.

"What do you want?"

"Why aren't you singing along?"

"I don't fucking sing along to the radio. Besides, this song sucks, and I don't even know the lyrics."

"Alright, I believe you on not knowing the lyrics." He actually shouldn't believe that one. I know every word to this song, I fucking love Britney Spears. "But I know you sing along to the radio. Eye witnesses have reported it! Plus, I heard you singing in the shower last week."

"What the fuck?! Why would you listen to me in the shower, you're so fucking sketchy!"

"I just heard you over the TV. By the way, you do a perfect rendition of Party in the USA."

"Fuck you!"

A couple more songs come on, there was some Ke$ha, and that Bulletproof song. Antonio sang especially loud during that one. I'm lucky my ears didn't bleed.

And then the beginning notes to N*SYNC's Bye Bye Bye come on, and I have to sing.

This is my fucking lady jam, man. Can't stop, won't stop.

"Oh, I'm doing this tonight."

Antonio grins at me, and continues the song,"Probably gonna start a fight!"

"I know this isn't right!"

"HEY BABYY COME ONN!"

And then proceeds the worst singing and dancing the world has every seen.

I kind of let my gaurd down after that, singing with Antonio, dancing around in my seat. It brought a smile to his face, and its nice that I put it there.

After about two hours of that, however, I fell asleep.

As I drifted off, my head pressed against the window, Antonio turned down the music, and stopped singing along so loudly.

I woke up a few hours later, feeling a lot more tired than I was before I took my little nap. I hate it when that happens.

Antonio had woken me up, and as soon as I look at him with groggy eyes, he flashes me a smile and lets me know that we're at the hotel. I look out the window. Its one of those chain hotels, nothing special.

I grab the overnight bag that I packed from my feet, and hand Antonio his. We get out of the truck, and head inside of the hotel.

The guy working at the front desk, a blonde man in his 30's, gives us a quick head nod,"Sup. What do y'all need?"

"We're here to check into our room," Antonio says,"We have reservations."

Antonio gives the man his last name, which he has to spell out twice. Fernandez-Carriedo isn't that hard to spell, Jesus Christ.

Once the man finally finds Antonio's name in the records, he marks down something in the little notebook he has on his front desk. He looks up at us,"So will you two be wanting a room with one bed?"

_Oh. My. Fucking. God._

Ugh no no no I can feel my face going beet red, and I'm about to let out a fierce,'Fuck you!' to this guy, but Antonio just laughs it off.

"No, sir, we aren't a couple! Just two friends!"

Oh, thank God. He just played it off as a 'no homo' kind of thing.

"My mistake,"says the douche,"I'll get you the keys for a room with two beds."

"Thank you."

Antonio turns back to me, stifling a laugh when he sees my face. Bastard. He turns back around to grab two keys from Mr. Dillhole, and we make our way to our room, which is, thank God, on the first floor. No awkward elevator rides.

"You do know that your face is like bright red right now, right?"

"Fuck you!"

After walking through the hallway for a minute, we get to our room. We each set our bags on our beds, and I flop down on my bed.

Antonio clears his throat,"Just saying though, you would totally love sharing a bed with me."

_Yes yes oh my God yes!_

"Gross, no! I'm not that desperate!"_  
_

"Am I really that horrible, Lovi?"

"Yes!"

No.

"Ah, my heart has been broken! How could you?!"

_You fucker oh my GOD! You're breaking my heart I fucking hate you uGH_!

"Just.. stop fucking around, asshole."

He sticks out his tongue,"Whatever, I'm taking a shower. You should order a pizza or something while I'm in there."

"Yeah, whatever, go away."

"Fine, fine, I'm out!"

I'm just, like, you know, really done with Antonio? Like wow. He leads me on all the fucking time and I can't tell if he's joking or being serious and I can't handle this. It would probably be easier to just confess to him, but oh God I would never do that. Too embarrassing, and he'd never talk to me again. N o p e.

When I hear the shower's water start running, I roll over on my bed to get to the beside table. There's a phone book on the table, and I search through it to find a pizza place. The first one I find is Papa John's, which is total shit compared to the pizza I make, but I guess I can stomach the crap.

Before I call the number, I yell towards the bathroom,"Antonio what do you want on your pizza?!"

"Just pepperoni is fine," he calls back.

"I'm getting peppers on it!"

"That's fine!"

I grab the phone that's resting on the table, dialing the number that I found.

"Better ingredients, better pizza, Papa John's. How may I help you?" I didn't know they actually said that dumb slogan thing on their calls. Wow.

"Uh, could I get a medium pizza? With pepperoni and green peppers?"

"Sure thing, sir. What's your address?"

I give the man on the other side of the line the address of the hotel.

"Alright, sir. We'll be there in about twenty minutes. Its going to be $14.95."

"Okay. Thanks."

I hang up, calling out to Antonio,"I'm gonna steal like $20 from your wallet to pay for this pizza."

"That's fine!"

I get up from my bed, and go to Antonio's. I dump out the overnight bag he packed, fishing through the contents to find his wallet.

I grab a $20 bill out of his wallet, and I'm about to put his stuff back in his bag, I stop. It won't hurt to snoop through his things a little bit.

There isn't much interesting in there. A toothbrush, sweatpants to sleep in, a change of clothes for tomorrow. Fun fact: Antonio wears briefs. Who'da thought? He even has his name sewn into the back of him. What a fucking loser.

And I have a crush on this guy. It is a hard life.

I put his things back in his bag, and good thing I did, because the shower stopped running. I hurry over to my bed, and flop back down. After about a minute, Antonio comes out of the bathroom. With only a towel on. Are you _fucking_ kidding me.

And oh my _fucking God_ I can feel the blush creeping up my face and I'm going to throw myself off a cliff _why does this have to fucking happen to me what have I donE WRONG._

His chest and arms are toned with muscles, and more of his caramel skin is shown. The ample skin I can see is shining from the water still left on it, and it looks almost heavenly. The crappy hotel towel he used is hanging just underneath his hip bones, and his hip bones stick out._ His hip bones stick out._

And the shitty hotel towel is short, but just long enough to cover him up, which really sucks. If he popped out one of his hips just a_ little_ bit, I could see a little, although hopefully not little at all, thing that I've been wanting to see for a while now.

Fucking hotel towels. Like why this.

Before Antonio can comment on the shade of red my face is becoming, and a certain problem that's developing downstairs, I fucking book it to the bathroom, muttering out a,"I'm going to take a shower." as I slam the door shut.

How embarrassing can a situation fucking _get_?

I turn on the shower, and start taking off my clothes, which is taking way too fucking long. The million dollar question: Lovino, are you seriously going to jack off to Antonio while he's in the room right next to you? The answer is yes. Yes I am.

I step under the water, but lean against the wall to get myself more comfortable. I let out a deep breath, and bite my bottom lip. I know I'm going to start making embarrassing noises, so I'll need to at least _try_ to quiet them down.

I'm already on my way to being fully hard, thanks to Antonio, but I'm not all the way there yet. I run my thumb over the slit at the end of my cock, and a small hiss escapes my mouth. I run my fingers up and down my length. I whisper a,"Fuck.." and even I can barely hear it over the sound of the running water.

I wrap my hand around myself, and pump it up and down, slowly at first. It feels better to start slow, and often, I go slow the whole time. It feels nicer, and going faster makes me finish faster, which isn't good.

I lean my head back, and moan softly. Softly is the only moaning that should be happening here, because it would be so fucking awkward if Antonio heard what I was doing. Worrying about your noise level sort of takes the joy out of jacking off.

My hand scrabbles against the marble wall of the shower as I allow myself to fantasize. Instead of my hand, my cock is pushing in and pulling out of Antonio's asshole. I take in short gasps of air, my hips bucking up as it gets harder and harder to stop myself from groaning.

I'm getting closer and closer, and I clap my free hand over my mouth, because when I orgasm I'm going to be making some rather loud noises.

I move my hand a little faster, and a keen escapes my throat. Heat rises to my face, and my low, gravelly moans are slightly muffled by my hand. A few more pumps, and I am _gone._ I take long, raspy breaths as I watch my cum go down the drain.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself right now, because usually I can only masturbate when I'm alone. Not because I'm scared about getting caught, but because I am really fucking loud. Its kind of shameful, actually. But its like, I can't stop the screaming. It just comes out. If I ever have sex with Antonio, its going to be _extremely_ embarassing.

I wash my body and hair as quickly as possible, so Antonio doesn't think I spent too much time in the shower. Once I wash the last of the shampoo out of my hair, I turn off the water and step out of the shower.

Then I realize I didn't bring the clothes I'm going to sleep in into the bathroom. I blame Antonio, had to fucking give me a hard-on before I could grab them.

I dry off my hair and wrap the towel around my waist. Two can play at this game.

I step back into the room, and Antonio is sitting on his bed with the pizza box near his feet. It looks like he hadn't started eating yet. He was waiting for me. How sweet.

I walk over to my bed, grabbing my overnight bag. I look up at Antonio as I fish through it, trying to find the flannel pants and tee shirt I'm going to sleep in.

Antonio doesn't say anything. Which is new. He usually has a lot to say. His eyes give me a once over, but I am almost 80% sure that his eyes paused over my crotch area. At least, I hope they did.

"Go ahead and get dressed,"he says,"I bought a six pack from the front desk, and once you've got some clothes on we can eat."

I get my clothes out of my bag, giving him a condescending glance,"I was hoping to dine naked, Antonio! You've crushed my dreams!"

Making my way back to the bathroom, Antonio lets out a snort,"Lovi, you are too funny! But seriously, get some clothes on."

I get into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. "Do you not want to see my totally hot bod, Antonio?"

"You have no hot bod, Lovi."

"I totally do. I'm fucking ripped, man. I've got a six pack and everything." I pull on my pants, and stick my head through my shirt.

"Not really. Still not a hot bod, though!"

I step out of the bathroom, heading over to Antonio's bed,"Admit it, Antonio. I could totally turn you."

He opens the pizza box, and gets up from his bed. To get the beer, I'm guessing. "Nah, if anyone could turn me, it would be Orlando Bloom."

That was a blatant rejection, but I still laugh really hard. "Orlando Bloom? Antonio, are you fucking serious?"

"Orlando in that pirate movie? He's really attractive, sorry. And as Legolas too."

Antonio makes his way back to me, a six pack of Bud Light in his hand. Great. He had to get the shitty beer.

"Antonio, I just died a little. Of course you would go for Orlando Bloom."

He sits back down on the bed,"I mean, I'd go for some other people, I guess. Like that Thor guy. Or that one guy in Glee, the blonde one."

He fucking watches Glee. I'm gone.

"You sure you're straight, Antonio?"

He laughs,"I mean I guess so." He grabs a piece of pizza. "I don't even know, Lovi. Its just like.. I don't even know."

Wait wait wait holy shit is this Antonio stating that he might like men? _Holy shit._ Please please please, God.

"Hm."

I have been blessed with eloquence.

"You'd think I'd know by this point in my life, but I just don't." He clears his throat,"Let's just talk about something else."

"Sounds good to me. Why don't you turn on the TV?"

"Good idea." He grabs the TV remote off of the bed side table, and turns the television on. The station it turns on at is playing Family Guy, so Antonio just keeps it there.

"So, Antonio-" Antonio cuts me off,

"Lovi, stop calling me Antonio. Its too formal. Call me Tonio, please."

I grab a slice of pizza, nodding. I get to use a pet name for him now._ Yes._ "So, Tonio. Are we going to open those beers?"

"Oh, yes, of course!" He pulls two bottles out of the container, and hands one to me.

Antonio grabs his car keys off of the bedside table, as he has a bottle opener on a key chain. He pops open the cap of his beer, and hands the opener to me.

"Don't tell Roderich that I bought these for you,"Antonio says when I hand the opener back to him,"You're underaged, and I don't wanna get in trouble."

"If you didn't want to get in trouble, why'd you get them?"

He pauses for a second,"I don't even know why. We're friends, and you wanted it, I guess."

The rest of the night is spent drinking and eating pizza. Antonio falls asleep before me, so I get the job of cleaning up. I'm convinced he did this on purpose.

I just put the pizza box on top of the table that's near the room's window, but I grab the beer bottles and throw them in the trash can. I check the clock on the bedside table, and its 1:30. About time I got to sleep.

I turn out the lights, and climb into bed, and I fall asleep pretty quickly.

I wake up first the next morning, which is strange, because Antonio is an early riser. I check the clock, and its 2:00. In the afternoon.

Well, shit. Looks like we aren't going to spend any time in Omaha at all. What a shame.

I get out of bed, and decide not to wake up Antonio. At least not for a couple more minutes. I change out of my pajamas into some denim shorts and a tank top. I'm brushing my teeth when Antonio wakes up with a groan.

"Lovi," he says,"why did you let me drink so much last night?"

He's hungover. Poor baby.

"Tonio, you had like, two beers."

"That's a fucking lot!"

He cussed. That's new.

"Not really. But, Tonio, its two in the afternoon, we need to start heading back home."

He groans,"We didn't even get to do anything in the city!"

"There's not much to do in Omaha, Tonio."

"Shut up!"

I eventually get Antonio out of bed, packed, and ready to check out. This is actually really hard to do with a drunk person. But, after we get downstairs, and get him a cup of coffee, he's not as irritable.

We check out of our room, and walk outside of the hotel to get to his truck.

Since Antonio is still kind of in a pissy mood, there isn't much singing done on the trip back, even though he does play his music.

I fall asleep after about two hours of driving, still tired from last night's drinking.

We get back home around midnight, Antonio wakes me up as we pull into Roderich's driveway.

"Hey, Lovi, is it cool if I just sleep here tonight?"

"Sure, whatever you want."

"Alright, thanks."

"No problem."

I unlock the front door with the key that Roderich keeps under the doormat, and we walk inside. We make extra care to not make a sound, not wanting to wake up Roderich or Elizaveta. I do not want a midnight confrontation with either of them.

We get to my room, and Antonio flops down on the mattress. He slides over so he's only taking up one side of the bed, and mumbles something into one of my pillows.

"Say that again?"

"We can just sleep in the same bed tonight. Don't bitch about having to share a bed, okay?"

"Of course, man."

I crawl into bed, and Antonio falls asleep after about five minutes. I don't blame the guy, he's been driving all day. Sleep takes a bit longer to kick in for me. I lay there awake for about an hour or so. Mostly freaking out over Antonio sleeping in my bed. I'm seriously living a big fantasy right now. Except, you know, we're not going to have sex. Other than that, the sharing the bed thing is working out nicely. I know it would be too creepy to cuddle up close to him, like I want to do, so I settle with just sleeping closer to him. My head just barely touches his shoulder, and I make the tips of our fingers touch.

I am extremely creepy, I'm sorry.

I fall asleep like this, happier than I've been in a while.

•••••

_A/N: i hope you guys liked this chapter! it was real fun to write_

_thank you so much for reading!_

_in case i dont update before new years.._

_happy new years!_

_a review would mean so much to me, and again thank you for reading! :-)_


	4. Chapter 4

I am not happy at all right now.

Not at all.

Its because of two things, really.

One, its New Years Eve, and I'm stuck inside the house. We're practically snowed in.

The snowed in part is the second reason why I'm not happy. I hate cold weather so fucking much. Fucking Nebraska, honestly! There is not a single good thing about this place! Like, during the winter, in Brooklyn, it snows. But there is never this much snow! There's like three feet of snow outside, and we're supposed to be getting more over the next few days. Its been like this for the past two months. I hate cold weather.

Oh, and the electricity is out. Fucking fantastic. Its about 7:00 in the evening right now, and the temperature is bearable enough with a couple sweaters on, but by the time the day ends, its going to be cold as balls outside. Guess we'll have a New Years party in front of a fire huddling for warmth. Fun stuff.

If I was back in Brooklyn right now, I'd probably be getting ready for a party. That I probably wasn't even invited to. Gotta love having a popular brother. And probably already drunk off my ass. Gotta love Italians, we go hard. Go hard or go home.

But one thing I'm glad for is that we're not totally snowed in at the moment. Which means Antonio can still come over tonight.

We're having a two person New Years party, its going to be great. (That is a sarcastic statement.)

I've known Antonio for more than year now, and he's the closest friend I've ever had. And for about three months now, I've been trying to gather up the courage to tell him how I really feel. And I've decided that I should do it tonight.

Hopefully, he feels the same way. Like, I'm really, really hoping he feels the same way.

Back in July, Antonio came out to me. Well, he didn't actually explicitly say what his sexuality was. He just kind of let me know that he liked men, as well as women. So I'm not sure where exactly he stands. But the point is, I have a slim chance with him. And slim is better than nothing.

Honestly, I'm not going to be able to tell him. I'll be chickening out at the last minute. I've never been good with confessions, ask anyone who knows me. And apparently I'm easy to read, because when I tell people something that's supposed to be a secret, they apparently already know. At least that's what happened when I came out to Nonno and Feliciano. They'd apparently known for years.

Anyways, its only 7:00 right now, so Antonio won't be over for another hour.

At the moment, though, I'm sitting in the living room with Elizaveta, in front of the fire. We're doing a puzzle, since there's not much else you can do when the power is out. Its apparent that Elizaveta is getting pretty tired of the puzzle, judging from the frustrated noises she's making. So impatient. Roderich is even worse though, he quit like thirty minutes in. He's currently in his room, reading a book. And also freezing his ass off. Laughing is heard.

Elizaveta groans and flops onto the couch,"Let's do something else."

"There's nothing _to_ do."

"I know." She sighs. "I hate power outtages."

"Me too."

We sit in silence for about a minute, Elizaveta chewing on her lip. She lets out a huff of breath.

"I'm gonna take a nap."

"Have fun."

She gets up from the couch, going to the room she shares with Roderich.

I'm all alone.. no one here besides me.

I check my phone. I still have 30% of battery left, so I decide to call Feliciano. A conversation with him will last quite a bit, which will burn some time. And anyways, I haven't talked to him in about a week, and the span between us not talking is always getting wider and wider. We're growing apart, not much, but we're definitely not as close as we used to be. I assume its because he's spending so much time with Ludwig. Gross.

I tap in his number, and he picks up on the second ring.

"Lovino! Happy New Year!"

I can hear babbling in Italian on the other end of the line, which probably means Nonno invited some of the neighbors over.

"That's tomorrow, asshat."

Feliciano laughs,"Well, still, happy new year! How are things?"

"Fucking horrible. As usual."

"How is Antonio?" You can practically feel his sarcastic grin through the phone line.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"I said fine!"

"Tell him I say hello!"

"No!"

He sighs,"Fine. So what are you all doing tonight for New Years?"

"We're pretty much snowed in, so pretty much nothing."

"Is Antonio over?"

"Stop fucking talking about him!"

"So he's coming over later?"

"Why do you care?! You've never even met him!"

"Well, he makes you happy, Lovino! That's why I care about him!"

I move from sitting on the couch to lying on it, snapping at Feliciano,"I never said he made me happy!"

"You never said he did, but you can tell! You talk about him all the time, and I can hear the smiling in your voice!"

"I don't fucking smile when I talk about him, Feliciano!"

"Yes you do! You do! And I heard from Nonno who heard from Elizaveta that you two have been hanging out a lot more lately! Do you think he likes you? Do you love him? Oh, speaking of love, I told Ludwig I loved him and then-"

"Feliciano!" I cut him off. I don't really want to hear anything about Ludwig. "I don't know if he likes me back or not, but I'm hoping he does."

"You should tell him how you feel!"

"I was fucking planning on it. Stop acting so happy, Feli, its annoying!"

"I'm not acting happy, I am happy! Are you going to tell him tonight? Are you going to give him a New Years kiss?"

I sigh,"I don't know. But I am not fucking giving him a New Years kiss, that's way too cliche."

"I'm going to give Ludwig a New Years kiss! He always gets so flustered when I kiss him, its super cute!"

"Feliciano, there is no way in hell that Ludwig can be cute. No way."

"You don't know him like I do!"

"Thank God."

"He's not bad, Lovino! Its your fault that you two got in a fight!"

"Nope! No, we are not fucking talking about that. I am sick and tired of talking about that!"

"Anyway, if you two hadn't fought, you would have never had met Antonio!"

"Who fucking cares if I never met Antonio!"

"You do."

I groan,"Shut _up_, Feliciano!"

"Fine, fine! Just saying. Because you really like him."

I'm silent for a couple seconds. "Yeah." I pause. "I like him a lot."

"You should tell him!"

"He'd reject me."

"No he wouldn't! Lovino, why would anyone reject you?"

"I can name a couple of reasons. Why don't you ask all the people who've rejected me?"

"That's not-"

"Whatever."

"Antonio is different!"

"How do you know? You've never met him."

"But Antonio wouldn't do that. He really cares about you!"

"How do you fucking know?! Who actually gives a flying rat's ass about me?!"

"I do. Nonno does."

"But you're my family, you have to care!"

"I don't have to care. I care because I love you."

"Thanks, Feli."

"No problem. Do you wanna talk to Nonno?"

"Ugh. Sure."

There's rustling and shouting on the other end of the line. My family is way too noisy.

More scratching, and then a cry of,"_Figlio_!"

"Hi Nonno."

"Lovino! It is so good to hear your voice!"

"Yeah, sure."

"You are doing well?"

"Yes."

"How are Roderich and Elizaveta?"

"They're sleeping."

"Oh, I see. Got any plans tonight?"

"Antonio is coming over."

"Tell him I say hello!"

"You don't even know him, Nonno."

"I can still say hello! When is he coming over?"

"In about an hour."

"What are you two going to do?"

"Can't do much anymore, the power is out."

"That's a shame."

"Yeah, its fucking freezing, and we have no heat. We'll probably just sit in front of the fire."

"That sounds horrible."

"Tell me about it. And we'll have to be quiet so Rod and Liz can sleep."

"Doesn't sound like much of a New Years."

"Nope."

"Well, Lovino, I'm going to go. Mrs. del Sarto invited me and Feliciano for drinks."

"Have a glass for me."

"Don't have to tell me twice! I'll talk to you on another day, Lovino!"

"Bye Nonno."

The line goes flat, and I pull my phone away from my ear, checking the time.

7:35. Ugh.

I kill time by playing games on my phone. I've won twelve games of solitaire by the time Antonio knocks on the front door.

As soon as I open the door he rushes inside, booking his way towards the fire.

"What's the rush?" I make my way over towards Antonio, taking a seat next to him.

"Its cold as anything outside! I had to walk over here, my truck wouldn't get through the snow!"

"You shouldn't have come if you had to go through so much trouble! Idiot!"

"Ah, but I wanted to see you, Lovi!"

"Shut the fuck up. Seeing me is not worth pneumonia."

"I won't get pneumonia!"

"You will if you keep those wet clothes on."

"Only my outer coat and snow pants are wet, its not that big of a deal!"

"Take them off!"

Antonio laughs,"Geez, mother hen. Who knew how badly you wanted my clothes off?"

"Fuck you."

He pulls off his coat and shucks off his snow pants. He leaves them on the floor, and flops back down on the couch.

"Hey, dunkass, you're supposed to hang them up so they don't get water everywhere."

I stand up, grabbing his stuff to hang over the fireplace. "Honestly, Toni, you'd think you would know to do this. You've been living in this weather longer than I have."

"Yep. Or maybe I just like you taking care of me."

I turn around to glare at him. He laughs.

"So what all are we going to do tonight?"

"Well, we can't watch TV, can't make any hot food, can't really do anything."

"Nothing?"

I wrack my brains,"Well, Roderich has one of those portable DVD player things. We could watch something on that."

"What movies does he have?"

"Shitty ones. Want me to go grab some?"

"Definitely. Go get some blankets too, its freezing."

"You can get blankets. You know where they are."

Antonio heads for the linen closet, which is near my room, and I go to the closet that's near the front door.

Roderich has all his DVD stuff in a little crate. The device, some DVDs, and a set of ear buds. I grab the box, and head back to the living room.

I am met with a big mound of blankets, Antonio's face poking through.

"I grabbed all the blankets."

I snort,"I can tell. You're going to have to put those back."

"I know. But at least we'll be warm!"

"You are so fucking stupid."

I set the box down on the coffee table.

"You're going to have to get out of your dumb nest to look at these movies."

"No, you can just read them to me!"

"You are fucking pathetic."

"Its part of my charm!"

"You have no charm." I look inside the box. "He's got Rent, uh, some Nicholas Sparks movies? A couple Disney ones. Roderich has horrible taste."

"Does he have Tangled?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Tangled is such a good movie!"

I groan, and check the box,"He actually does have it. I bet Elizaveta bought it as a joke."

"I bet its Roderich's favorite movie."

"Most likely."

I grab the DVD player out of the box, turning it on. I stick the ear buds in the jack, and set the player back on the table. I pull the Tangled case out of the crate, opening it and pulling out the disc. I slide the disc into the slot on the player, and pick the player back up.

"Toni, move over so I can get in the blankets."

"I knew you liked the nest!"

"I do not like the fucking next. I just want to stay warm."

He laughs, and moves the blankets so they're lying across his lap. He lifts them up so I can slide under them, and I hand him the player, which he sets on his lap. He puts one of the ear buds, and hands the other one to me. I fucking swear, someone made the cords on ear buds short for the sole reason that I have to sit closer to Antonio. Our shoulders are pretty much touching, and its awkward as hell.

At least its awkward for me. Antonio is probably having the time of his life. Watching some lame ass Disney movie. And taunting me with little touches and dumb psuedo-flirting. This kills the Lovino.

As the movie begins, I tuck my feet under myself, to get more comfortable. I look over at Antonio periodically as we're watching, and he's practically mouthing the words. What a loser.

We're both laughing through a lot of the movie. The Flynn guy is actually really funny, and so is the horse. I don't remember his name. Horses aren't worthy of my remembrance.

I'm getting really sick of hearing the words 'Flower gleam and glow'. How many fucking times do they need to say that thing.

The movie draws to an end, with something that's totally predictable. Guy gets the girl, they live happily ever after. Comedy relief characters get a few seconds of screen time, and cut scene. Disney is so predictable.

I pull out my ear bud as the credits start rolling, and turn towards Antonio.

"So, what do you want to do now?"

He purses his lips,"We can watch another movie?"

"No."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

"Alright."

A silence falls between us, but its not a bad silence. Just a silent moment between two friends.

To Hell with it, I'm going to tell him right now.

I move the player from our laps back onto the table, and turn towards him.

"Hey Antonio, could I tell you something?"

He looks at me, giving me a smile. Shitshitshit I can't do this. "Sure Lovino, you can tell me anything."

"Don't freak out."

"Why would I freak out? Is it something bad?""

I curse in Italian under my breath.

I'm gonna do it.

"I, uh.. I really like you, Antonio."

He grins,"I really like you too! You're my best friend!"

"No, you dense motherfucker, oh my God." He gives me a confused look.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I like.._ like_ you."

"You do?"

I can feel the blush rising to my face. Fuck. "Yes, you bastard! I have for a while now."

"Oh."

I start to stand up,"Alright, I'll go to my room now. I can see that you never want to speak to me again." I let out a small laugh, but there's no joy in it.

Antonio grabs my hand, pulling me back into a seated position.

"Lovi, I'm sorry, I was just kind of stunned when you told me." He rubs the back of his neck,"I kind of, you know, like you too."

"Kind of. Thanks."

"No no! I mean I really, really like you!"

I look into his eyes, and he lets go of my hand.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're the, uh, reason I figured out I was kind of gay." He laughs a little.

"So.. is this going to like.. turn into something?"

He grabs my hand again, holding it between both of his. "I would love that, Lovi!"

A sheepish grin spreads over my face. "Cool."

He smiles,"You look so beautiful when you smile."

"Fuck you."

"Aaand.. then its ruined."

"Fuck you!"

"Hey, Lovino?"

"Yes?"

"Isn't this where we kiss?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"A first kiss needs to be spontaneous!"

"Where did you learn that?"

"I used to watch a lot of romantic comedies with Feliciano. I don't like them, he does."

"Nope, I bet you love romcoms."

"No!"

"Fine. How many times have you seen The Proposal?"

"Four."

"Four times?!"

"Yes."

"Four?!"

"Yes, shut up."

Antonio laughs,"Sometimes I forget how much of a dork you are!"

"Shut up!"

I pull the blankets up to my chin, huddling closer to Antonio.

"I've been fucking freezing for the past hour."

"I can fix that." He says it in a really crappy Deep Southern accent. Like from the Holes movie.

"You are so stupid."

We end up watching Roderich's crappy movies for the rest of the night, in our dumb blanket fort.

Halfway through Finding Nemo, I turn off the DVD player. I'm way too tired to sit through another movie.

We fall asleep on the couch. Antonio has one of his arms around me, and the other playing idly with my hair. He's humming something, and usually I would find it annoying. But right now, its nice.

This is something I could get used to.

•••••

_A/N: another chapter!_

_this one is kind of short, but i wanted to get it out by today ovo_

_even though it seems like the fic could end here, im gonna continue it a little more. mostly because i like writing smut between these two, ehuehuehue_

_im really glad im in winter break right now, i can pretty much get a chapter out every day now! (and sleep in until 2, which is always great)_

_thank you so so so much for reading! you guys are the reason i keep doing this!_

_i would be so happy if you all reviewed this chapter, it would mean a lot! :-)_

_thanks again for reading!_


	5. Chapter 5

"Antonio?"

We had been sitting on his couch, my head on his shoulder. It was raining outside, so there wasn't much to do except sit around.

He hums softly,"Yes?"

"Nonno wants me to come back to New York."

"What?!"

He stands up from the couch, and I sit up, giving him a glare.

"Calm the fuck down, douchedick."

"Why does he want you to come home now! Of all times, why now?"

Its August, and I've been in Nebraska for about a year and a half now. I've been dating Antonio for about four months. I wouldn't even consider it dating, though. He acts the same exact way he did when we were just fucking friends. Like, he's always been cuddly and trying to hug me every five seconds. I mean, I shouldn't be expecting much. We've only been dating for a couple months. But still, a kiss or something wouldn't be too terrible, you know?

"Feliciano is going to college with his dick of a boyfriend. And Nonno wants one of us at home, I guess?"

He bites his lip, fixing a glare on me. He's thinking hard about something.

"When are you leaving?"

"Next week."

"And you didn't think to, oh, I don't know, _tell me sooner_?"

"I didn't want to tell you."

"Well that would have been better than me finding out at the last minute, Lovino!"

"I can't really fucking stop it, Antonio. Calm down."

"But you can't leave! I'll never see you again!"

"You don't know that."

He groans,"Yes, I do! Because I know you hate this place, why would you ever come back!?"

"Did you ever think I might come back because of you, bastard?"

"You would?"

"Of course I would, dumbass. I really like you."

"What if I came to New York with you?"

"No."

"Why not? I've been wanting to leave since I was like sixteen. Why not now?"

"Where would you stay in New York?"

"With you?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Nonno."

"He'll love me! And Lovi, if he doesn't like me, I'll just rent my own apartment. I can get my own job, and my own apartment. And you can go to college! And we'll be together!"

"Don't plan so far in the future, fucknuts."

He grins. "Love you too, babe." I duck my head down so he doesn't see the blush rising to my cheeks. I know that he was saying 'Love you' sarcastically, but still. He said it. To me. Holy shit. "So I guess I'll ask my parents about getting plane tickets to New York?"

I sigh. "Whatever you want."

"I'm going to stay with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to come back to Nebraska."

"You're an idiot."

"Yeah."

He sits back down on the couch.

"I can't wait! You can show me around New York!"

"You mean you want to go to all the tourist traps?"

"Of course! I want to get a picture with the Statue of Liberty."

"Lame."

"Nope."

"You're pretty fucking lame."

"Definitely not."

Two weeks later, and we're on an American Airline flight to JFK National.

Well really, we already landed, and we're just kind of sitting on the runway, waiting for the plane to get parked at one of the terminals.

And I am nervous as hell.

This is my first time in New York for almost two years. I'll get lost, mugged, embarrass myself in front of Antonio. Nonno will decide that he doesn't want me back anymore. He won't like Antonio. Antonio's parents will want him back in Nebraska.

There are thousands of things that could go wrong.

I try not to show that I'm nervous, but I'm absolutely fucking horrible at hiding my emotions. Antonio pats my hand, which is clenching the arm rest.

"It'll be okay. Don't worry."

Antonio has been a little ray of sunshine this whole trip, and its been horrible. Of course he had to take the window seat. Every ten seconds, he would point out another cloud. Or to show me how the sunlight reflected off the plane wings. Ugh. He acts just like a little kid, sometimes.

I'm pretty sure the people sitting around us wanted to slap him too.

"You excited?"

He nods. "This is probably the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me!"

"Dude, get a life."

"I'm in a big city with my best friend! My first time actually away from home! Except when I go to Spain with my family, but that doesn't count."

"Is Spain nice?"

"Its great. I think I'll like New York better."

"Bullshit. New York sucks."

"You seem to like it."

"Its okay."

By this time, one of the flight attendants is standing at the front of the plane, thanking us for flying. People start grabbing their suitcases out of the overhead bins, but Antonio and I wait a couple minutes before we do that.

Mostly because we're near the back of the plane, and have to wait for everyone else to get off before we can.

After about five minutes, we grab our carry on bags, and head onto the terminal.

"That's a lot of people."

"No shit."

The terminal is crowded as hell, and we have to squeeze through crowds of people to get to the baggage claim.

I really hope they didn't lose our luggage. Or it got stolen. Either one is just as likely.

Ten minutes of waiting, and we have our suitcases. We're standing outside, and I'm trying to flag down a taxi. Usually I would just walk or take the subway to our apartment, but I have Antonio and a shit ton of baggage.

I get a taxi, and the driver helps us load our bags into the trunk. Antonio and I sit in the back seat, made of peeling leather. The whole car smells like stale sweat, which is unfortunate.

After we get out of the area of the airport, I know exactly where we are. It feels good to be back home.

When the taxi pulls up in front of my apartment building, I give the driver fifty bucks. He waits until we have all of our luggage out of his trunk, and then drives away.

Fifty fucking dollars for a, like, ten mile drive. Taxis are such bullshit.

It takes us three trips to get all our luggage upstairs, and Antonio leaves me to get the last of it while he talks to one of our neighbors, Mr. Basso. Despite his last name, he's a middle-aged man who stands about 6'2''. Not _basso_. As I lug my last suitcase to the door, I drag Antonio away.

"Bye, Mr. Basso!"

"See you around, Antonio! Hi, Romano!"

"Hey, Mr. Basso. Long time, no see."

"Got that right, kid! Tell your nonno I say hello!"

"Sure thing."

I knock on the door, and wait a couple of seconds when its thrown open and I'm enveloped into a really fucking tight hug.

Nonno.

"Lovino,_ il mio bambino_!"

I wrap my arms around my grandfather. "I'm not a baby!"

He squeezes me, and then steps back, examining me. He's quite a sight, wearing a dirty-looking tee shirt and wrinkled jeans. His hair is really unruly, with more grey streaks than I remember. "You're a baby compared to an old fart like me!" He _tch_s, shaking his head. "You're too skinny! Roderich underfed you!"

"No he didn't, Nonno. You're imagining things."

"I don't imagine things. Now, get inside! Unpack your things! We're going out to dinner with Feli and his little friend tonight."

"Gross."

"Don't be an ass, Lovino, go unpack." I start to pull one of my bags inside our apartment, but Nonno stops me.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"Nonno, this is Antonio."

"I know, now let me talk to the kid."

"Excuse you."

"Just get the bags inside!"

"I missed you too."

"Shut up."

As I do all of the manual labor, all by myself, poor me, Antonio and Nonno make small talk.

So I'm kind of glad that I'm not in there.

I put all of our bags in my room. Feliciano's college won't start for another week, so he's still in Brooklyn. I guess he's with sausage boy, so I won't see either of them until dinner. I really want to see Feli, but I'd rather pass on Ludwig.

When I walk back into the main part of the apartment, Nonno has Antonio seated on the couch while he pours some wine.

"Don't give him the good kind, Nonno. Its wasted on him."

"Lovi, you ass."

Nonno walks over to Antonio, handing him a glass of wine. "You're just mad because I didn't pour you any."

"I'm just going to go pour some, right now."

"Don't use the good kind." Nonno says in a high falsetto, mocking me. Asshole.

I pour my glass of wine, getting more than I should have gotten. One, because it'll piss of Nonno a little. Two, because I haven't had a good drink in almost two years. Nebraskans obviously do not get what a good drink is.

Also, Rod and Liz would get after me for drinking because I'm under age.

Like, I'm Italian. We start drinking as soon as we can walk. (Not really, but still. Nonno has let me have wine since I was like 10.)

I go back towards Nonno and Antonio, drinking from my glass as I go.

"So how have things been?" I ask.

"Things were a lot quieter without you. No one screaming obscenities every three seconds, except for Mr. D'Ambrosio. Feliciano missed you."

"Did he get into any trouble while I was away?"

"We both know that you were the only one getting in trouble, Lovino."

Antonio butts in. "Is Lovi a trouble maker?"

Nonno smirks at my nickname. Bastard. "Have you ever talked to the kid? With a mouth like that, he's bound to get in trouble. But he's all bark, no bite."

"That's a lie. Remember when I broke Gilbert's nose?"

"That was a one time thing."

"Definitely not."

Antonio clears his throat. "So where are we going for dinner?"

Nonno shrugs his shoulders. "I was thinking Lovino could pick, since its first day back."

I groan. "Put me on the spot, why don't you?" I wrack my brains for a good restaurant. I could name a few restaurants close by, but I'm not really in the mood for Italian food. There will be plenty of that for the rest of my fucking life. "Why don't we go to that French restaurant?"

"The one Francis works at?"

I sigh. "Yes, Nonno."

"Well, dinner should be interesting!" He grins, and stands up from the couch. "I'm going to take a shower, I suggest you two clean up also."

He walks off to his room, and I turn to Antonio.

"Do you want to take a shower now or wait?"

"I'll wait."

"So... are you liking New York?"

He smiles. "I like it. I hope my dad will let me stay here for good."

"Wait, didn't he already say you could?"

"Lovino, if I could stay here forever, I probably would have taken more than two suitcases."

"Oh, yeah. I'm stupid."

We sit in silence, hearing Nonno turning on his shower.

"Hey, Lovino?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really happy."

"You're always happy, jackass. You always have your dumb grin plastered on your face."

"Doesn't mean I'm always happy." He grabs my hand, running his thumb over my knuckles. "I'm happy here with you." He smiles.

"That's pretty gay."

Antonio laughs. "Way to kill the moment, Lovino. I was trying to be romantic."

"You totally stole that out of a Nicholas Sparks novel."

"No way, that was original material."

I snort. "You are such an idiot."

"Its charming, though. I am charmingly stupid."

"You aren't charming."

"Oh, really? I seem to have charmed you!"

I sigh. "You are charming, I guess."

"Not as charming as you."

"Are you fucking kidding? I'm a mess."

"A beautiful mess."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"You're so beautifuuul; to me!"

"Don't sing, oh my God."

"You love my singing voice, don't deny it."

"No!"

He leans his head on my shoulder. Not fair. Not fair at all.

"Do you love me?"

What the fuck kind of a question is that!? You don't just ask someone that! I bite my lip, because I'm honestly not sure how to answer the question. I mean, I love him, I really do, but do I really want to tell him that? Would it freak him out if I said yes? Would it make him sad if I said no?

"Yeah." I pause. "I guess."

"Okay."

He grabs my hand again, lacing his fingers through mine.

"Are we going to be sharing a room?"

"Mmhmn. We have an air mattress you can sleep on."

Antonio lets out a little cough. "We could share a bed. You know, if you, uh, wanted to?"

"As long as you don't try anything."

He lets out a huff of air. "I won't. You can't try anything either."

"I won't." I lean my head against his.

The next three or four hours is spent getting ready for this fucking dumb fancy restaurant we're going to. Its not even that fancy. I end up just wearing a tee shirt and slacks.

As Antonio is finishing up his shower, the front door of the apartment is thrown open. I look up from my spot on the couch, and can't really process anything because Feliciano is hugging the daylights out of me.

"Lovino! I missed you so much! Did you miss me? I have so much to tell you about what happened when you were gone!" He pulls back from the hug, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and goes back to squeezing my internal organs out.

"Feliciano, I can't breathe, get off!"

He gets off of me.

"Its so good to see you!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lovino, Lovino! When do I get to meet Antonio? Is he handsome? Is he here?"

"Once he gets out of the shower you can see him. And you've seen pictures, Feli, calm the hell down."

"I know, sorry, sorry. But yes, he is handsome! Good job on that, Lovino!" Feliciano flashes me a grin. "Hey Ludwig, stop standing by the doorway and say hi to Lovino! You haven't seen him in forever!"

I notice Ludwig, who had been awkwardly hanging back at the door. "Hey."

I force a smile. As much as I want to kick the little shit's teeth in, I need to be nice to him for Feliciano's sake. "Hi."

Our conversations don't get much lengthier than that. Our interaction is mostly glaring on my part, and blank stares on his part. Dumb bastard.

Really though, I've gotten over Ludwig being pretty much the sole fucking reason I got sent to Nebraska. More good things came from Nebraska than bad things. (A bit of an exaggeration, the Midwest was literally hell, but at least I met Antonio.)

And speak of the devil, he'll appear.

And I still can't get over how good he looks. Like, he just walks into a room and like, bam! Its like a god just walked into the room. He's that gorgeous.

I sound dumb, sorry.

He walks over to where me and Feli are sitting on the couch. "Hi, you must be Feliciano! I've heard a lot about you." He holds out his hand for a handshake, but Feliciano stands up from where he's sitting, and pulls Antonio into a bone-crushing hug.

Feliciano might look a little wimpy, but he's like, super strong.

Once Feliciano lets go of Antonio, he flashes him a grin. "Its so nice to meet you! Lovino talks about you all the time, he loves you, you know!" God damn Feliciano. "Thank you for making my brother so happy! You are so handsome by the way, did you know that? I once knew this guy tha-"

Ludwig cuts him off. "Don't talk so much, you're overwhelming the guy."

"Shut the fuck up, and don't tell my brother what to do."

Antonio puts one of his hands on my shoulder. "Lovino, its okay."

"Ugh."

"Why don't we go somewhere else until we go get dinner?"

"_Ugh._"

Feliciano mouths a 'Thank you!' to Antonio as he pulls/drags me to my, or, our room.

As soon as he shuts the door, he turns around, glaring at me.

"Lovino, why were you being so rude to him?"

"I hate him."

"Well your brother obviously really likes the guy, so its the least you could do to, oh, I don't know, not act like a dick?"

"So, you think I'm a dick?"

"Lovi, no. You were just being really rude. At least try to be tolerant towards the guy, he can't be that bad."

"Yeah, Ludwig isn't that bad. He is just the sole reason I was torn away from my family and sent to Bumpkinland."

I can tell that Antonio is getting kind of mad at me, and I don't blame him. I am kind of a dick.

"Well, one, he isn't the sole reason. You had been acting up a lot lately, or whatever. Lovino, you were tearing yourself from your family. And, its not Bumpkinland. I'm no country bumpkin."

"You don't know me, Antonio! Don't tell me all these things that aren't true!"

"Lovino, calm down! Don't yell." I hadn't even realized I was yelling. "Why don't we just calm down, and we can have a nice dinner with your family? I want to make a nice impression on them, and if you're acting like an ass through the entire thing, I can't do that."

"What if I don't want to have a nice dinner?"

I know I'm being childish, but like, you know when you're in a bad mood and you just want to ruin everyone else's good mood? Yeah.

"Lovi, please? For me?"

"Fine."

Two hours later, and we're at the restaurant. Its some French bullshit I can't pronounce.

"This looks really nice." Antonio smiles as we walk in. "Of course, I wouldn't really know. I don't go to many nice restaurants."

"Its not that nice. It'd be nicer if this one guy didn't work here."

"And who is that?"

"The Vargas family! Long time, no see."

Ugh. Francis Bonnefoy.

I'm honestly not sure how we know him, but I've had the pleasure to know the shit for almost my whole life. He's honestly not too bad, he can actually be a pretty funny guy. When we were little, although he's about 4 years older than me, he always wanted to hang out with me, and like, be my best friend or some shit like that. I always thought he only did it because he wanted to make fun of me for having no friend, but who knows. I probably wouldn't have been his friend anyways. Feliciano loves the guy, so they were good enough friends. And made me see him often enough. (Translation: way too often.)

Francis kisses Nonno on the cheek, and hugs Feliciano. He only winks at me in greeting. He knows that if he did anything more than that, I would probably cause a scene. But I really wouldn't. I promised Antonio that I would behave.

"So how many will you be having tonight? Five, wonderful! It really is so good to see you all, I haven't seen any of you since.. New Years, was it? No matter, come, I'll get you all a table!"

As we're led past a few tables, I turn to Feliciano. "Why did you all come here for New Years?"

He laughs. "We didn't. He must have gotten pretty drunk!"

I snort. "Figures."

He sits us down at a back table, complete with those fancy bullshit tea candles.

"You all look at your menus, and I'll be back later to get your drinks! Also, Lovino, wipe that scowl off of your face. Its very unbecoming."

"Fuck you."

I'll scowl when I want, you piece of shit.

Nonno makes us all get water for our drinks, because he doesn't want to pay for soda or alcohol.

"We have drinks at home! You all can have water, save me some money, for once!"

Dinner is altogether uneventful.

Dumb small talk, Feliciano pretty much does not stop talking, although Nonno and Antonio are pretty talkative too. I mean, I'm talkative, but only once you get me started on something. They're the kind of guys that just talk non-stop no matter what. Ludwig pretty much only communicates by nodding or making little sounds in agreement. Probably 'cause he's too dumb to actually form an actual response. My laughing is heard.

I'm really glad once we get back to the apartment. One, because no more Ludwig. He barely said twenty words to me tonight but I still wanted to punch him in the jewels. But, anyways, two, I get to crawl into bed with Antonio.

I really hope him living in New York works out.

Because getting into bed with him every night seems like a pretty good thing.

And I don't mind even a little bit when he wraps his arms around me, pulling me towards him so he can rest his chin on my shoulder, nibbling a little on my ear.

I do mind, however, when he starts palming my dick through my pajama bottoms.

Before I actually give in to his touch, I wriggle out of his grasp, and I can sort of make out a hurt look on his face through the dark of the bedroom.

"Why not?" He asks.

"Why are you doing this all of a sudden?! And of all things, while my grandfather and brother are in the next room?!"

He chews his lip. "I don't know."

"I mean like, its not like I don't want to-"

"So you want to?"

"Not now!"

"Okay."

He just kind of lays there, and I start feeling guilty, so I move closer to him so he can wrap his arms around me again.

I feel a blush rising to my face, before I can even say what's on my mind. "I've been wanting to, you know, for a while now."

"Me too."

I let out a huff of air. "So why didn't you? Why didn't _we_?"

"Well, I've never done it. With a guy, I mean. So I thought I would be bad at it? Plus, I thought you didn't want to do it."

"Toni, are you kidding? Its one of the only things I want! I've been jerking off to you for like.. almost a year now. Maybe longer."

"Waay too much information, Lovi!"

"Don't like you didn't do the same!"

"No, I can't think about anyone while I.. you know." I chuckle softly, and he elbows me in the side. "Its awkward to think about someone!"

"Nope."

"You're just nasty."

"I'm pure as a May morning, fuck you!"

"Fuck _me_?"

"Shut _up_!"

•••••

_A/N: WOW this took like.. way too long! that's writers block for you :-C and, writers block is why this chapter might be a little.. i dunno really stupid?_

_ahaha_

_anyways, thank you so much for reading! all of you are so great, and its because of you all that i keep on writing!_

_and if you could leave a review, i would really appreciate it! thanks!_


	6. Chapter 6

I hate nights like this.

You know, those nights where you are just in one of those ruts where you think too much. About a whole bunch of stupid shit. Reminiscing, mostly. Dwelling on the past is one of my best qualities, I'd think. I do it a fuck ton, at least.

And, right now, its Antonio that I'm thinking about.

Let's be honest, its always been Antonio. It has been, probably always will be. Its hard knowing that we really never will be. And I can just think back on the nights when we would talk about our future together, as if we knew we would last that long. It would have been nice if it lasted forever, but my luck is horrible, and I'm a piece of shit. So, it ended like I end everything. With screaming and yelling and denial and the kind of things that people look back on and shudder in just the sheer embarrassment and disgust.

That's besides the point.

I really just want to focus on the good things.

I remember laying on the roof of Nonno's apartment, and just talking to Antonio about dumb things. Music, movies, food. What we normally spoke about. And then, it just slips out.

"Antonio, are we really going to work out?"

Of course, I know its a no. Now, at least. I wish I could have told myself that. It would have saved a lot of heartache.

He shrugged, and gave me that shit eating grin of his. He looked up into the night sky,"Its all up in the stars, Lovino. Time will tell."

Time did tell. Things fell apart. So much.

I don't know where Antonio is. He probably moved back to Nebraska, for the farm. Or maybe he's still in the city. I wish I knew. But after a while, he just packed up and left. I haven't heard from him in almost two years.

Its miserable.

Normally I can get over it. Most nights I'm out, drinking myself shitless. Bar lights are my sun, pretty college girls my oxygen. I get by. I can forget Antonio, most of the time.

Some nights, I lock myself in my room. I cry about it a lot. Watch shitty movies and eat greasy food and think about Antonio and cry. Nonno stays out of it, but sometimes when Feliciano is home he'll come in and hug me and tell me its okay. Even though it isn't. But its nice to know that at least someone cares.

But then Feliciano leaves, like everyone does, and I'm alone again. Like always.

Some parts aren't that bad, though. I work at a restaurant, the one Francis works at. Manages, now. The family, neighbors, and other people (Friends? If they can be called that.) say they're glad I've found something to do with my life. I'm good at cooking, my job is tolerable. I'm saving up money so I can go to a good college. But it isn't what I want. Not by a long shot.

I want Antonio.

But there was a fall out, I can never have him again. And in the after glow from a girl I met at a bar down the street, there is nothing I want more than to have her arms be Antonio's.

Look at me, getting poetic.

Honestly though, I had everything when I had Antonio. He was everything. Nothing else mattered, except his arms around me, his soft kisses, the sound of his voice. I didn't need anything else.

I wish I could speak to him at least one more time.

Tell him I'm sorry.

For everything, I guess.

But, he's deleted his social networking accounts. Changed his phone number. I would never call his house back in Nebraska, never. I know when to stay away when someone wants me to. I have plenty of practice with that, staying away.

And I remember.

"Its all up in the stars."

He was always into dumb fate stuff like that. Things were predestined, we couldn't stop them. I wish I could stop them.

I think that kind of thing is bullshit. You choose what you do. I chose to be myself, and he chose to leave. Simple as that.

I look okay on the outside. Go to work. Come home, then go out for the night. Like any other guy my age. But I can feel myself fading away. I know its really fucking stupid to be like his after a breakup, but, I don't know. I loved him, I guess. I love him.

I wonder if he thinks about me. Maybe he thinks about my lips, my voice, my touch. Probably not. I don't know if I would want him to. I'm a piece of shit, I don't want him to dwell on me. Wouldn't want him to come back for me. I don't really deserve to be saved from this rut I'm in. This is probably just God's way of punishing me for being such a dick.

I think I had this delusion that he would never leave. He would always love me. Kind of really fucking stupid if I think about it. At first I couldn't believe that he had done it. I remember going to sleep that night, and thinking that it was probably all a bad dream. He would never do that to me. I would wake up from the nightmare, and come back into my content life. It kind of was like a dream. It was so great.

But that dream never came true. Never.

I guess I was holding onto the stars too.

Better off without them.

Wishing, dreaming, hoping for them to turn out in my favor.

They never did.

Never did, I think, on my way to the bar.

The words linger on my mind as I take the first sip of my cheap beer.

No one decides what happens to you, except for yourself.

I chat up a few girls, a few guys. Most of them know me, and I know a couple would be good to sleep with me tonight. Which is always nice.

That's when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn away from a girl I was talking to. I'm pretty sure her name is Amelia, but that's beside the point.

I turn around. "Sorry, asshole, but I think you can see that I'm in the middle of a conversation right now. Kindly fuck off."

Then I see who it was.

I almost drop my beer glass.

"Hi, Lovi!"

•••••

_A/N: sorry about the long wait for the update (^o*)/_

_but hey its here now!_

_five bucks if you can figure out what song i was listening to during this chapter haha_

_but, back to the point, this is where im ending this fic _

_im gomen but ive lost almost all my inspiration for this!_

_i hope you've enjoyed this fic, and hope you stick around for more!_

_it would be super cool if you left a review!_

_thanks for reading :-)_


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